1 00:00:21,530 --> 00:00:24,330 so so 2 00:00:45,230 --> 00:00:49,330 And now, ladies and gentlemen, we present our tribute to the Lower 3 00:00:49,330 --> 00:00:50,330 Hospital. 4 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,160 We'll go for it. 5 00:03:23,790 --> 00:03:24,790 What? 6 00:08:42,409 --> 00:08:43,429 Have you been in show business? 7 00:08:43,809 --> 00:08:45,010 Ever since I was 17. 8 00:08:46,290 --> 00:08:47,290 Eight years. 9 00:08:50,550 --> 00:08:51,550 Eight years? 10 00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:52,990 Nearly eight years. 11 00:08:54,070 --> 00:08:56,730 And what position are you holding at the moment? 12 00:08:59,570 --> 00:09:02,310 I'm sort of like upright but relaxed, like you say. 13 00:09:02,850 --> 00:09:05,770 No, I meant in show business. Oh, I'm sorry. 14 00:09:06,230 --> 00:09:08,390 I beg your pardon? I'm a chorus boy. 15 00:09:12,750 --> 00:09:14,770 Well, you see, it all started for me down in Bournemouth. 16 00:09:15,910 --> 00:09:22,010 When, unbeknownst to myself, my then -fiancée took a snapshot of me while I 17 00:09:22,010 --> 00:09:24,430 at the water's edge having a paddle. 18 00:09:27,310 --> 00:09:29,270 She sent the snap up to the town hall. 19 00:09:29,550 --> 00:09:32,230 The next thing I knew, I'd been entered for the knobbly knees contest. 20 00:09:32,710 --> 00:09:35,350 Well, I didn't want to let my fiancée down, so I went through with it, but I 21 00:09:35,350 --> 00:09:38,630 can't tell you how I felt stood up there in front of all those ogling women with 22 00:09:38,630 --> 00:09:40,990 my kneecaps completely naked. 23 00:09:42,350 --> 00:09:47,550 After the competition, which incidentally I won, there was a party 24 00:09:47,550 --> 00:09:48,550 my downfall. 25 00:09:48,590 --> 00:09:50,370 Yes, I tasted the sweet life. 26 00:09:50,630 --> 00:09:53,590 I tasted the dolce vita of Boscombe and Poole. 27 00:09:54,910 --> 00:09:59,110 Is there any truth in the rumour that there's a certain amount of cheating in 28 00:09:59,110 --> 00:10:00,110 the Noblinese contest? 29 00:10:00,590 --> 00:10:04,610 I'm ashamed to have to tell you this, but some of the men wear falsies. 30 00:10:06,550 --> 00:10:07,550 What? 31 00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:09,850 Flesh -coloured plastic kneecaps. 32 00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:13,760 Got to the stage now where before every competition a nurse goes round with a 33 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:16,180 little hammer, tapping them and testing them. 34 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:23,420 I can't tell you how embarrassing it is when one of them drops off. 35 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:30,380 It would be like a cattle market now. It's no wonder I joined the men's 36 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:31,380 liberation movement. 37 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:38,200 You did rather well, and you found yourself in several touring plays. I 38 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,200 you played me. 39 00:10:39,370 --> 00:10:41,590 Yes, I did. In Manchester and Birmingham, all those. 40 00:10:42,210 --> 00:10:43,210 Oh, yes. 41 00:10:43,290 --> 00:10:45,590 I was a bit of a hell -raiser in those days. 42 00:10:45,810 --> 00:10:47,410 They used to call us the Rat Pack. 43 00:10:48,050 --> 00:10:54,650 Not just me, there was Athene Siler, Edith Evans, Kathleen Harrison, 44 00:10:54,930 --> 00:10:55,929 Robert Morley. 45 00:10:55,930 --> 00:10:57,450 All our drinkers, you know. 46 00:10:58,530 --> 00:11:01,270 After the show every night, we'd go into the Queen's Arms there. 47 00:11:01,510 --> 00:11:04,770 Many's the night, I've downed as many as seven pints of shandy, straight off. 48 00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:07,410 You live life with a big L. 49 00:11:08,140 --> 00:11:10,920 And sometimes I suffered pain with a big P. 50 00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:22,000 Like when I met this terrible agent. 51 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,720 This lady producer. 52 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:27,560 She said, I'm having a surprise party. I got a surprise when I got there, I can 53 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:28,299 tell you. 54 00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:30,220 Carrying on like that was disgraceful. 55 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:34,300 It's like that film about Gomorrah and that other place, you know. 56 00:11:38,350 --> 00:11:42,490 A tower of barbell there. It was full of beatniks with long sideboards full of 57 00:11:42,490 --> 00:11:43,490 drink. 58 00:11:44,630 --> 00:11:47,630 I mean, the side... They had sideboards full of drink. 59 00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:50,870 Some of the men was just as bad. 60 00:11:51,570 --> 00:11:55,410 I tell you, they were witches there. They were practicing witchcraft. Not 61 00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:57,750 lady witches, but men witches. They had men witches there. 62 00:11:58,290 --> 00:11:59,890 Wallops. It's true, I tell you. 63 00:12:07,630 --> 00:12:08,630 Which is there? 64 00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:11,630 Warlock's mail. 65 00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:12,830 Oh, I see. 66 00:12:13,110 --> 00:12:16,690 They said to me... 67 00:12:16,690 --> 00:12:23,390 They said she's waiting for you in her den. So, of course, I went straight 68 00:12:23,390 --> 00:12:25,890 in. Well, you're really taking an awful chance. 69 00:12:26,190 --> 00:12:27,990 I mean, you're really very attractive. 70 00:12:28,390 --> 00:12:29,390 I know. 71 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:33,290 I thought I'd be all right, because everyone said she was a Lebanese. 72 00:12:39,180 --> 00:12:42,620 got in there, and she was all dressed up in this, like, leather gear, you know, 73 00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:46,280 and she said, here, put that on, and she'd give me a Russian army officer's 74 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:49,960 uniform, give me a copy of the TV Times, and she'd hit me with it. 75 00:12:54,180 --> 00:12:55,640 She was a masochist. 76 00:12:55,860 --> 00:12:57,180 Well, she spoke fluent English. 77 00:12:58,940 --> 00:13:01,920 Well, I come out of there, and all these, like, rich people, they was all, 78 00:13:01,940 --> 00:13:04,560 stood around, you know, and they said they was going to have a symbolic 79 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:08,000 sacrifice. They was going to go out and get an 18 -year -old virgin. 80 00:13:08,669 --> 00:13:10,310 Where was it? Chelsea. 81 00:13:13,570 --> 00:13:15,570 That's what I thought. Some hoax, you know. 82 00:13:17,150 --> 00:13:19,010 Anyway, then they all started looking at me. 83 00:13:19,970 --> 00:13:23,350 And what step did you take? Bloody long ones, I tell you. 84 00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:25,470 They were like a shot. 85 00:13:28,450 --> 00:13:31,530 What plans have you for the future? 86 00:13:31,830 --> 00:13:34,530 Well, I hope to get into a nice show with some decent people. 87 00:13:34,850 --> 00:13:37,070 I've been on with this part in Ocalcutta, you see. 88 00:13:38,339 --> 00:13:39,299 Oh, Calcutta? 89 00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,560 Yes. Well, it'll be full of Indians, won't it? You know. 90 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,660 And I've seen them on the television, in the documentaries, when they barf in 91 00:13:44,660 --> 00:13:47,500 the Ganges. They don't even take their nightshirts off. So there won't be any 92 00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:50,880 nudity or anything like that. You know. Merding cruddy. Thank you. That's all 93 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:52,400 right. You really find me attractive. 94 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:53,920 I didn't know if you did or not. 95 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:55,440 You're the one. 96 00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:07,380 Claude was a penniless actor. 97 00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:14,700 Pierre was a rich banker. 98 00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:26,260 And so Fifi married Pierre and installed Claude as their butler. 99 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:11,000 But when this didn't work Claude returned as the chauffeur. 100 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:49,320 When this failed, Claude returned as the gardener. 101 00:16:16,590 --> 00:16:21,030 But when he turned up as the maid, his troubles really stopped. 102 00:16:46,030 --> 00:16:52,650 maid arrived and he was obliged to share a room with her, it was almost too much 103 00:16:52,650 --> 00:16:53,650 for him. 104 00:17:38,030 --> 00:17:42,170 he had to share a bed with her. It really was too much for him. 105 00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:55,410 And so Fifi remained faithful to her husband. 106 00:17:55,790 --> 00:18:00,970 After all, better an old husband than a lover who's a nervous wreck. 107 00:18:01,190 --> 00:18:02,190 N 'est -ce pas? 108 00:18:07,980 --> 00:18:11,500 My love is here. My goddess there doth sit. 109 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,760 Oh, that sweet face. 110 00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:18,680 Oh, those gentle arms in whose unfolding I would die a thousand deaths. 111 00:18:19,700 --> 00:18:21,820 Soft, she speaks. 112 00:18:24,260 --> 00:18:26,300 I've got your bloody lines again. 113 00:19:05,830 --> 00:19:08,790 about washing up? Oh, you want to try Balmolive, my dear. 114 00:19:09,150 --> 00:19:11,730 That's what your hands are in now. 115 00:19:12,130 --> 00:19:13,390 Oh, yes. 116 00:19:13,850 --> 00:19:16,090 Oh, Balmolive is especially mild. 117 00:19:16,290 --> 00:19:20,770 And there's none gentler. Oh, Balmolive will keep your hands lovely and soft. 118 00:19:20,990 --> 00:19:22,670 Do you see my glue? 119 00:19:23,090 --> 00:19:27,070 Oh, thank you. Oh, goodness. 120 00:19:29,470 --> 00:19:30,470 Honestly, 121 00:19:31,230 --> 00:19:32,630 Johnny, so bloody rough. 122 00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:36,900 We're having a taste test. 123 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:41,920 And one of these contains Spuddo instant mashed potato. 124 00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:44,380 And the other one just like contains ordinary potato. 125 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:46,560 And we want to know which one you like the best. 126 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:57,660 This one. 127 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,320 This was my wife. 128 00:20:08,860 --> 00:20:12,220 Tired, listless, just a part -time wife. 129 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,080 Then a friend suggested Benovite. 130 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,860 In next to no time, she was a new woman. 131 00:20:18,180 --> 00:20:22,240 Lively, vivacious, full of energy, full of fun and joie de vivre. 132 00:20:23,340 --> 00:20:26,260 And it's all thanks to Benovite. 133 00:20:34,870 --> 00:20:37,170 That's what we're finding here in Munich. 134 00:20:37,630 --> 00:20:42,890 Nine out of ten women know the difference between a piece of butter. So 135 00:20:42,890 --> 00:20:43,890 a taste test. 136 00:20:44,350 --> 00:20:49,670 A challenge, 200 marks if you know a piece of butter. Do you want to try it? 137 00:20:49,870 --> 00:20:51,030 Yes. Yes, then come in here. 138 00:20:51,230 --> 00:20:52,250 200 marks. 139 00:20:53,590 --> 00:20:58,030 Where is my wife? 140 00:20:59,770 --> 00:21:01,330 Elisha, where were you? 141 00:21:01,550 --> 00:21:03,510 I was in the caravan with this man. 142 00:21:22,430 --> 00:21:26,150 18 months ago, Edith Clackett worked for Thames TV. 143 00:21:26,490 --> 00:21:29,490 A year ago, she left to join Celle Monte Carlo. 144 00:21:29,710 --> 00:21:33,830 And just six weeks ago, she became the fifth vicomtesse d 'argent. 145 00:21:34,350 --> 00:21:37,450 We've been having a little trouble with the Eurovision link. Anyway, she has my 146 00:21:37,450 --> 00:21:39,610 number question, so we should be all right. 147 00:21:41,010 --> 00:21:43,470 Do you still get the TV times? 148 00:21:52,530 --> 00:21:56,330 What's it like being married to a 70 -year -old V -cott? 149 00:21:56,750 --> 00:21:59,470 Well, I don't get it as often as I used to. 150 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:07,760 Thursday mornings. 151 00:22:08,620 --> 00:22:12,800 And the postman's visit. But when I do get it, I think of you, Alan. 152 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,800 And all my friends at Thames Television. Happy days they were. 153 00:22:18,540 --> 00:22:22,120 I believe your favourite wedding present was a French poodle. 154 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,220 He's nearly 75 years old, you know. 155 00:22:25,620 --> 00:22:27,040 But he still manages. 156 00:22:27,980 --> 00:22:29,700 A little tennis and golf. 157 00:22:29,980 --> 00:22:31,620 He's quite active, you know. 158 00:22:32,060 --> 00:22:35,860 I saw a picture of you dining with the French president, Monsieur Pompidou. 159 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:40,580 What sort of person is he? Well, he's got distemper and heart attack. 160 00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:46,000 But he's clean about the house, and that's something nowadays, isn't it? 161 00:22:49,740 --> 00:22:54,980 Tell me that from your villa there's nothing but vineyards full of grapes as 162 00:22:54,980 --> 00:22:56,000 as the eye can see. 163 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,900 How many acres have you? 164 00:22:58,320 --> 00:22:59,320 Yes. 165 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,400 A perfect gentleman. 166 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,260 Do you hope to have children? 167 00:23:06,620 --> 00:23:08,980 Probably twelve or fifteen hundred. 168 00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:15,000 Mostly white ones, but one or two black ones. 169 00:23:16,660 --> 00:23:20,460 Yes. They say the black ones fill up the barrels quicker. 170 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:26,500 Whether that's true or not, I don't know, but I do prefer red wine. Always 171 00:23:27,700 --> 00:23:30,880 It's nearly two years since I was down that way. 172 00:23:31,180 --> 00:23:32,180 Yes. 173 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,620 Well, we'll just have to wait and see, won't we? 174 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,540 It's a long time since I saw you in the flesh. 175 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,060 Alan, you wouldn't recognize the old place now. 176 00:24:06,260 --> 00:24:08,980 Pardon. Pardon, mademoiselle. Coupé, coupé, on n 'entend rien. 177 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,540 Mais c 'est pas ma faute, c 'est la faute de cette télévision, mademoiselle. 178 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:13,680 Cut! 179 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:28,400 And our first speaker, Britain's first lady of fashion, Marie Quaid. 180 00:27:28,780 --> 00:27:29,780 Hello. 181 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:34,520 Well, I'm not going to keep you waiting any longer. You go in then. 182 00:27:34,740 --> 00:27:39,440 This news has not only shaken Europe, it has rocked the whole Western world. 183 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:44,960 I did tell you in 1962 that it was going to happen and now it has. 184 00:27:45,620 --> 00:27:48,300 Yes, strikes are... 185 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:50,560 Big deal! 186 00:27:51,420 --> 00:27:57,620 And not only for the girls, but also for the boys. Oh, yes. 187 00:27:58,180 --> 00:28:05,100 Green and heliotrope, crimson and blue, magenta and primrose. This year, men are 188 00:28:05,100 --> 00:28:08,340 going to be gayer than ever. You're not kidding, are you? 189 00:28:09,460 --> 00:28:13,920 And men, your wives are going to be more feminine than ever. 190 00:28:14,340 --> 00:28:16,300 Wouldn't you... 191 00:28:18,540 --> 00:28:25,220 your wives in something long and flowing yes river as i said before 192 00:28:25,220 --> 00:28:26,280 there will be 193 00:28:47,790 --> 00:28:49,650 wearing my micro mini skirt. 194 00:28:50,010 --> 00:28:52,290 You're going to be showing your knickers again, aren't you? 195 00:28:52,550 --> 00:28:54,650 Oh, yes. And see -through blouses are back. 196 00:28:54,950 --> 00:28:55,950 I'll look into that. 197 00:28:56,130 --> 00:28:58,690 I shall be putting mine on at the first opportunity. 198 00:28:59,950 --> 00:29:04,890 You'll be showing your tallies again, won't you? Oh, I can't. I can't get him 199 00:29:04,890 --> 00:29:05,889 out of here. 200 00:29:05,890 --> 00:29:08,730 Oh. Can I go wee now? 201 00:29:09,010 --> 00:29:10,010 Yes, you can. 202 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:22,800 Thank you. 203 00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:53,620 How there's a rose for the way my spirit rose when we 204 00:33:53,620 --> 00:34:00,380 met. A forget -me -not to remind me to remember not to 205 00:34:00,380 --> 00:34:06,620 forget. A pine tree for the way I pined 206 00:34:06,620 --> 00:34:12,840 over you. And an ash for the day I 207 00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:18,770 ashed. you to be true and the sun and the rain 208 00:34:18,770 --> 00:34:25,770 fell from up above and landed on the earth 209 00:34:25,770 --> 00:34:32,530 alone in my garden of love now there's a 210 00:34:32,530 --> 00:34:39,230 beetroot for the day you said that you'd be true to me a 211 00:34:39,230 --> 00:34:42,050 sweet pea for the sweet way 212 00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:49,340 You always used to smile at me. But you had friends who needed you. 213 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:56,239 There was Birdie. There was Liza. So just for them, I put 214 00:34:56,239 --> 00:35:03,160 down a load of Birdie. Liza and the sun and the rain 215 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:09,840 fell from up above and landed on the 216 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:11,000 escalator. 217 00:35:16,270 --> 00:35:22,650 Oh Gus, the gardener's left now And you went with him too 218 00:35:22,650 --> 00:35:29,370 The fungus here reminds me Of the fungus he's having with 219 00:35:29,370 --> 00:35:35,890 you The rockery's a mockery With weeds it's 220 00:35:35,890 --> 00:35:39,230 overgrown The fuchsia's gone 221 00:35:40,170 --> 00:35:43,610 I couldn't face the fuchsia all alone. 222 00:35:43,930 --> 00:35:50,710 And my tears fell like raindrops from the sky above. 223 00:35:51,050 --> 00:35:57,070 And poisoned all the flowers in my 224 00:35:57,070 --> 00:35:59,910 garden of love. 225 00:36:12,270 --> 00:36:17,510 of six good night father of one 226 00:36:17,510 --> 00:36:29,170 these 227 00:36:29,170 --> 00:36:35,970 are just 228 00:36:35,970 --> 00:36:39,230 four of the films to come from the founder of the french avant -garde 229 00:36:39,230 --> 00:36:40,230 director 230 00:36:41,299 --> 00:36:42,299 Pierre Teterre. 231 00:36:42,420 --> 00:36:43,680 Bonsoir. Bonsoir. 232 00:36:44,180 --> 00:36:45,820 Mes amours. Très bien. 233 00:36:46,140 --> 00:36:47,260 Thank you very much. 234 00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:52,400 For me, the best thing you've ever done, perhaps the most memorable thing I've 235 00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:56,700 ever seen in the cinema, it was that moment in Lovable on Fuss. 236 00:36:57,700 --> 00:37:01,900 This 22 -year -old girl who, for so long, had lived in this fantasy world, 237 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:07,320 suddenly, through the death of her pet torsos, has to face up to reality. 238 00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:12,140 Suddenly, you change from colour, To black and white, right until the end of 239 00:37:12,140 --> 00:37:14,060 film. A masterstroke. No, 240 00:37:14,780 --> 00:37:15,419 no, no. 241 00:37:15,420 --> 00:37:19,120 We change from color to black and white because we run out of color film. 242 00:37:21,020 --> 00:37:25,740 You see, we have no more color film. We have no money to buy other color film. 243 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,220 So we use the value of little stock, black and white. That's right. 244 00:37:29,140 --> 00:37:30,140 Yes. 245 00:37:30,660 --> 00:37:37,480 But the, um... The urgency you implied in the story, so simply giving almost 246 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:38,560 a documentary effect. 247 00:37:38,910 --> 00:37:40,230 By using a handheld camera. 248 00:37:40,490 --> 00:37:45,230 It gave... No, no, no, no, no. We use handheld because we don't have a, you 249 00:37:45,230 --> 00:37:45,808 it, tripod. 250 00:37:45,810 --> 00:37:47,610 A tripod to put on top. 251 00:37:47,970 --> 00:37:52,230 You see, the cameraman hit on the head the makeup man with a tripod and broke 252 00:37:52,230 --> 00:37:53,169 it. 253 00:37:53,170 --> 00:37:54,690 He read the tripod, not the head. 254 00:37:55,150 --> 00:37:57,430 And we have no, no, so we hold in the hand. 255 00:37:58,050 --> 00:38:04,450 But this girl who had this brinde, this savoir faire, so very nearly perfect, 256 00:38:04,650 --> 00:38:06,910 yet you gave her a lisp. 257 00:38:07,310 --> 00:38:11,230 showing that even the most perfect of us... No, no, no, I don't give her a 258 00:38:11,370 --> 00:38:12,430 She have a lisp. 259 00:38:13,570 --> 00:38:17,330 The actress who plays the part has always, always a lisp. 260 00:38:18,010 --> 00:38:23,450 You searched all over France for an actress with a lisp. No, I don't search 261 00:38:23,450 --> 00:38:27,910 her. She was discovered, actually, by the producer who was living with her at 262 00:38:27,910 --> 00:38:28,910 the time. 263 00:38:29,210 --> 00:38:31,350 He says she is, so I put her in, you know. 264 00:38:31,730 --> 00:38:36,290 Oh, I... I think the best part of the film, it was in the restaurant. 265 00:38:36,510 --> 00:38:43,490 She looked up to him and said, I want a life in 266 00:38:43,490 --> 00:38:49,630 the Grand Manor. No, no, no, no. She says, I would like muscle soup. 267 00:38:50,990 --> 00:38:51,430 Very 268 00:38:51,430 --> 00:38:58,590 significant. 269 00:38:59,310 --> 00:39:03,380 And then, at the end of the film, As she sits alone in the barren waste of the 270 00:39:03,380 --> 00:39:05,600 Camargue, that little dog ran up to her. 271 00:39:05,940 --> 00:39:06,940 That said it all. 272 00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:08,320 It's a dog's life. 273 00:39:09,240 --> 00:39:12,020 How did you get him to do that? I don't get him to do it. I don't know who this 274 00:39:12,020 --> 00:39:13,020 is, the dog. 275 00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:18,220 I mean, if I knew who this is, the dog, I'd kill him because the dog put the leg 276 00:39:18,220 --> 00:39:19,380 up on the camera, you know. 277 00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:25,520 And all the working is very rusty and it's only like a jelly. You know, it's 278 00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:27,980 terrible. I could kill who this is, the dog, you know. 279 00:39:29,180 --> 00:39:30,900 Thank you, Pierre Teterre. 280 00:39:54,220 --> 00:39:57,400 Beautiful night, isn't it? It's not half as you are. 281 00:39:59,260 --> 00:40:01,640 That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. 282 00:40:02,340 --> 00:40:04,440 I don't think I've seen you on the boat before. 283 00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:11,220 No, I spend most of my time in the... You must have been very lonely in there. 284 00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:12,520 I was rather. 285 00:40:13,340 --> 00:40:17,240 You know, I saw you this morning walking along the top deck, and I couldn't help 286 00:40:17,240 --> 00:40:19,920 noticing you had a very, very beautiful behind. 287 00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:23,380 I've had it for quite some time. 288 00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:25,680 Wait for me in Crete. 289 00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:27,480 They don't make them like that nowadays. 290 00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:29,780 Do you have a nice cabin? 291 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:31,160 Unfortunately, no. 292 00:40:31,540 --> 00:40:33,360 I couldn't get one with a bathroom. 293 00:40:33,860 --> 00:40:38,180 Must say I'm getting a bit fed up having to out of the porthole. 294 00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:40,820 Oh, nice. 295 00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:44,440 You know, you are really very pathetic. 296 00:40:45,700 --> 00:40:46,700 Thank you. 297 00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:47,800 Oh, I see. 298 00:40:48,540 --> 00:40:50,360 Jenny. Oh, hello. 299 00:40:51,240 --> 00:40:54,050 Slummy. Oh, he's a very influential person. 300 00:40:54,470 --> 00:40:56,230 His mother is Edward Heath. 301 00:40:56,750 --> 00:40:58,390 She's quite a woman. 302 00:40:58,750 --> 00:40:59,750 Oh, she is. 303 00:41:01,650 --> 00:41:05,630 I say, I'm most awfully sorry. 304 00:41:05,890 --> 00:41:07,970 How dare you? I'll call the steward. 305 00:41:08,310 --> 00:41:10,510 How about a song, Roger? 306 00:41:10,870 --> 00:41:12,050 Yeah, how about it, sir? 307 00:41:12,310 --> 00:41:15,130 Oh, no. You don't want to hear me. 308 00:41:15,450 --> 00:41:17,010 It's all through the tulips. 309 00:41:17,690 --> 00:41:20,210 But only if Jenny will, with me. 310 00:41:20,430 --> 00:41:21,510 I'd love to. 311 00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:25,760 Tiptoe, to the back is where I'll be come. 312 00:41:26,220 --> 00:41:28,000 Tiptoe, through the two. 313 00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:33,300 Tiptoe, from the bitter, through the two lips, with me. 314 00:42:00,010 --> 00:42:02,830 I thought it was lousy. Oh, you can yourself. 315 00:42:04,190 --> 00:42:05,190 Arthur, 316 00:42:05,550 --> 00:42:07,470 that's him over there. 317 00:42:08,150 --> 00:42:09,170 Excuse me, sir. 318 00:42:09,390 --> 00:42:10,390 Ticket. 319 00:42:10,970 --> 00:42:13,370 Very well, I... Second class. 320 00:42:13,890 --> 00:42:14,890 Oh, no. 321 00:42:15,130 --> 00:42:16,270 I'm afraid so, madam. 322 00:42:16,490 --> 00:42:19,450 I must ask you to leave this first class saloon immediately, sir. 323 00:42:19,890 --> 00:42:20,890 Very well. 324 00:42:21,070 --> 00:42:22,070 Is it true? 325 00:42:22,230 --> 00:42:24,630 Are you really a second class passenger? 326 00:42:25,030 --> 00:42:27,350 I'm most terribly sorry. Do forgive me. I'll go. 327 00:42:27,610 --> 00:42:28,650 Is it true? 328 00:42:29,820 --> 00:42:32,380 Are you really a second -class passenger? 329 00:42:32,860 --> 00:42:36,800 I'm most terribly sorry. 330 00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:41,280 Do forgive me. All good. 331 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,460 Is it true? 332 00:42:46,220 --> 00:42:53,140 Are you really a second -class passenger? 333 00:43:00,279 --> 00:43:02,100 I'm very sorry. Don't forget me. I'll go. 334 00:43:04,660 --> 00:43:07,020 Oh, and I figured you'd stop and make them. I knew it was funny from the 335 00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:09,420 That's funny, but they're not a cat. Yes, but that's all right. 336 00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:11,520 Jenny, darling, what are you doing down here? 337 00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:15,360 I changed my ticket for second -class ones. Oh, darling. 338 00:43:15,780 --> 00:43:18,540 I'm terribly sorry about that, sir. I had no idea you were the owner. 339 00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:19,760 The owner? 340 00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:20,718 Oh, yes, madam. 341 00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:22,580 Mr. Rogers shipped all over the place. 342 00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:32,880 Passenger. 343 00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:41,840 and I hadn't started courting and my mum was getting worried about me. 344 00:44:43,420 --> 00:44:47,020 She says, Dad, it's time you told him all about the birds and bees. He says, 345 00:44:47,020 --> 00:44:48,760 birds and bees, and he sat me on his knee. 346 00:44:49,300 --> 00:44:54,020 He says, now, remember Uncle Joe at that picnic a while ago where we went off 347 00:44:54,020 --> 00:44:55,400 into the woods with Aunty Pat? 348 00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:59,960 And how I chased old Riley's daughter and what happened when I caught her? I 349 00:44:59,960 --> 00:45:01,660 said, yeah. He said, well, birds and bees does that. 350 00:45:05,740 --> 00:45:09,940 Dad works very hard indeed when he got ten kids to feed well ten and seven 351 00:45:09,940 --> 00:45:16,180 nights to be precise And we all wear and me down and as I am the youngest and 352 00:45:16,180 --> 00:45:21,140 the others are all girls ain't very nice It's time that you got wait. I said I'd 353 00:45:21,140 --> 00:45:25,600 rather drop down did he says no, but Oh maude from likely down Isis more not 354 00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:29,980 bloody likely she been a bowler chaps in Oakley. He said well, he's really quite 355 00:45:29,980 --> 00:45:30,980 a little town 356 00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:38,600 He says, you've got to get a wife. You can't go on enjoying life or folks will 357 00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:42,500 think you're strange and start to frown. I says to him, now look, why should I 358 00:45:42,500 --> 00:45:46,600 buy a book when there's a thriving lending library in the town? 359 00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:53,380 One day I found a friend who was up by Badger's End. 360 00:45:53,720 --> 00:45:58,180 A little pigeon fell down to my feet. Its feathers was flecked with red and at 361 00:45:58,180 --> 00:46:01,400 first I thought he's dead and then I knelt and I felt his little heart still 362 00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:06,530 beat. I cut him in my hands and I ran home to my mam and she said, son, I'm as 363 00:46:06,530 --> 00:46:10,470 prey to you as I can be. You're thoughtful and you're kind and you've 364 00:46:10,470 --> 00:46:13,110 gentle mind and that'll do a treat for your old father's teeth. 365 00:46:15,470 --> 00:46:18,130 I says you shall not touch my bird. 366 00:46:22,860 --> 00:46:26,940 And with another word, I took him in my room, and I shut the door, and then I 367 00:46:26,940 --> 00:46:30,560 bathed him, and I warmed him, and I nursed him back to health. Because, you 368 00:46:30,620 --> 00:46:32,080 I'd never really had a friend before. 369 00:46:32,940 --> 00:46:36,900 I taught him little tricks, like playing dead and picking up sticks, and the 370 00:46:36,900 --> 00:46:39,280 village girls, they brought bird seed every day. 371 00:46:40,140 --> 00:46:41,140 Dad! 372 00:46:42,650 --> 00:46:46,410 You can't come in, I chat, or my birdie will fly out. But, of course, I let the 373 00:46:46,410 --> 00:46:47,450 village girls all stay. 374 00:46:47,750 --> 00:46:51,890 Well, there was Mabel from the stable and Mary from the dairy. We had a visit 375 00:46:51,890 --> 00:46:53,070 from our beauty queen. 376 00:46:53,850 --> 00:46:58,010 And that great big Betty Mavery. And she got her own Avery. 377 00:46:59,550 --> 00:47:01,970 She got the biggest pair of keats I've ever seen. 378 00:47:10,420 --> 00:47:12,660 Dad says you ought to let him go. 379 00:47:12,900 --> 00:47:16,640 The mum, she says, oh, no, you just want to get some shooting practice in. But 380 00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:21,160 the vicar says, my son, it really isn't done, and to lock up a wild thing, well, 381 00:47:21,240 --> 00:47:22,240 that's a thing. 382 00:47:22,900 --> 00:47:27,440 One morning, when it was all still, I took him up to Badger's Hill. 383 00:47:27,860 --> 00:47:32,000 I lost the only little friend I had that day. Not a word I said, I just kissed 384 00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:36,420 his little head, and I opened my hands, and I watched him fly away. 385 00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:40,320 He circled up and round and then he settled on the ground and off he went 386 00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:44,500 straight up to the sky. And then I looked and I could see he was flying 387 00:47:44,500 --> 00:47:48,140 me. And then he swooped and then he poked right in my eye. 388 00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:59,940 I thought, that's bloody rude. 389 00:48:01,660 --> 00:48:03,320 And core, there's gratitude. 390 00:48:05,070 --> 00:48:07,470 I hope they never cross a pigeon with a cow. 391 00:48:09,970 --> 00:48:13,650 And Dad says, here, there's a caper. I'll go get a bit of paper. I says, 392 00:48:13,650 --> 00:48:15,050 be daft. He's miles away from you. 393 00:48:19,170 --> 00:48:26,010 Dad says, I know you lost a friend, 394 00:48:26,130 --> 00:48:28,290 but it's really not the end. 395 00:48:28,670 --> 00:48:31,830 You'll be married and have your family of your own quite soon. 396 00:48:32,330 --> 00:48:33,890 Well, I never said a word. 397 00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:40,340 But you see, that little bird had lured 18 little ravers up to my room. 398 00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:46,520 So if anyone's got a spare cockatoo or an old crow they don't want, I'd be very 399 00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:47,520 much obliged. 400 00:53:13,710 --> 00:53:16,850 But you know, I always remember you used to say to me, never forget, Reverend, 401 00:53:17,150 --> 00:53:21,210 hard cash does not a soft heart make. 402 00:53:21,870 --> 00:53:23,550 And you know, I never forgot that. 403 00:53:25,050 --> 00:53:27,790 Thank you, Reverend Feltree. 404 00:53:35,050 --> 00:53:37,150 Never found out what the silly old twit meant. 405 00:53:38,470 --> 00:53:41,590 I mean, stupid old thing. The last time... 406 00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:43,640 he pinched my bum. 407 00:53:45,580 --> 00:53:47,180 God bless, I blame him. 408 00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:49,620 As soon as we're off, I should pinch him myself. 409 00:53:50,780 --> 00:53:53,680 Cut the sound! The sound! 410 00:53:53,940 --> 00:53:54,940 Cut! 411 00:55:35,630 --> 00:55:36,630 What is a mugwump? 412 00:55:37,350 --> 00:55:40,570 A mugwump is a bird who sits on a fence with its mug over one side and its wump 413 00:55:40,570 --> 00:55:41,570 over the other. 414 00:55:42,510 --> 00:55:43,510 There's one. 415 00:55:45,550 --> 00:55:49,550 Did you hear about the actor who was so conceited that he parked in lover's lane 416 00:55:49,550 --> 00:55:50,550 by himself? 417 00:55:51,910 --> 00:55:52,910 There's another one. 418 00:55:54,110 --> 00:55:58,390 Or the actress who was so dumb she couldn't add up to two without taking 419 00:55:58,390 --> 00:55:59,390 blouse. 420 00:56:02,640 --> 00:56:05,320 All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's be serious for a moment because we 421 00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:12,320 could... Well, I'm falling for you tonight. 422 00:56:15,940 --> 00:56:20,020 Well, here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, we must be serious. This is a serious 423 00:56:20,020 --> 00:56:24,300 matter. If you met somebody who was 107 years old, I'm sure that you would... 424 00:56:24,300 --> 00:56:29,780 You would... Have a lot of questions to ask him, and I'm no different from 425 00:56:29,780 --> 00:56:31,500 anybody else. I have a lot of questions to ask him. 426 00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:35,580 Here he is, 107 years old today, Eric Moulton from Kimberley. 427 00:56:50,460 --> 00:56:52,680 Well, these things do happen, ladies and gentlemen. 428 00:56:54,280 --> 00:57:00,980 If... If you met... 429 00:57:01,160 --> 00:57:05,280 If I told you that three goals were scored today on the Lambton football 430 00:57:05,340 --> 00:57:09,500 I don't suppose it would really surprise you. But when I tell you that they were 431 00:57:09,500 --> 00:57:13,900 scored by the vicar of Lambton, I'm sure you will be surprised. He's come along 432 00:57:13,900 --> 00:57:19,040 here tonight, direct from the changing room, where he's more than welcome. And 433 00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:22,640 here he is, the Reverend Peter Wilby. 434 00:57:58,990 --> 00:58:01,270 Zickers... Zickers, Zickers playing football. 435 00:58:01,530 --> 00:58:02,530 Whatever next? 436 00:58:02,950 --> 00:58:09,770 Well... I... I feel 437 00:58:09,770 --> 00:58:13,490 that we in the church should show that we're just the same as everyone else. 438 00:58:14,970 --> 00:58:16,370 I mean that we're human. 439 00:58:18,770 --> 00:58:19,770 I see. 440 00:58:23,920 --> 00:58:29,060 We all have our little differences, I mean, as in industry, but I think the 441 00:58:29,060 --> 00:58:32,260 important thing is to air one's differences from time to time. 442 00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:40,980 You know, um... Bring them out into the open, so to 443 00:58:40,980 --> 00:58:41,980 speak. Yes. 444 00:58:54,759 --> 00:59:00,560 Football? Football, well, I often think that life, life is very much like a 445 00:59:00,560 --> 00:59:04,880 football game. I mean, we're all struggling towards the same goal. I 446 00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:06,740 all want to show what we're made of, don't we? 447 00:59:08,720 --> 00:59:12,360 And I've nothing to hide. I like to be admired like the next man. 448 00:59:13,360 --> 00:59:14,360 Well, 449 00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:17,920 Vicar, you know, this has really moved your heart, I'm done. 450 00:59:18,580 --> 00:59:19,580 Sorry? 451 00:59:20,360 --> 00:59:23,140 I'm saying, it is most interesting though your heart, I'm done. 452 00:59:36,510 --> 00:59:38,450 Well... So much for religion. 453 00:59:39,170 --> 00:59:45,870 And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm delighted that my next... My 454 00:59:45,870 --> 00:59:52,710 next guest has come from the West End of London. He is one of London's biggest 455 00:59:52,710 --> 00:59:57,030 West Ends. I know you're going to make him very welcome. Here he is, Rodney 456 00:59:57,030 --> 00:59:58,030 Fairchild. 457 01:00:04,569 --> 01:00:08,210 Certainly plenty of you could come along and be my guest on this show. I really 458 01:00:08,210 --> 01:00:11,910 am absolutely thrilled that you have been able to find time to come along. 459 01:00:11,910 --> 01:00:16,530 have a reputation of being quite a hellraiser. Do you feel this reputation 460 01:00:16,530 --> 01:00:17,530 justified in any way? 461 01:00:19,050 --> 01:00:20,270 That you have? 462 01:00:21,590 --> 01:00:28,130 You know, of being a hellraiser. Do you feel in any way justified at all? 463 01:00:28,770 --> 01:00:31,690 This reputation that you have? 464 01:00:41,069 --> 01:00:42,069 No. Well, 465 01:00:42,610 --> 01:00:43,610 there you are. 466 01:00:44,470 --> 01:00:48,870 Bless my soul. It's just sort of newspaper publicity. They put labels on 467 01:00:49,150 --> 01:00:52,530 don't they? They sort of, you know, they put labels on. I suppose they put a 468 01:00:52,530 --> 01:00:55,350 label on you. You know, sort of like publicity. 469 01:00:55,570 --> 01:00:57,170 We just said it was publicity. I suppose it's publicity. 470 01:00:57,670 --> 01:00:58,670 Is it publicity? 471 01:00:59,370 --> 01:01:00,370 Well, yes. 472 01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:09,460 Yes, I'm quite surprised about that. 473 01:01:11,160 --> 01:01:14,140 Tell me, does it worry you on this reputation? 474 01:01:14,340 --> 01:01:17,700 Wrong and false, that may be. Does it worry you at all? 475 01:01:18,140 --> 01:01:23,940 The reputation that you've got. Does it worry you in any way at all? 476 01:01:26,180 --> 01:01:27,180 No. 477 01:01:29,520 --> 01:01:30,520 Well, 478 01:01:30,860 --> 01:01:34,180 there you are. Honestly, I could go on talking with you all night. 479 01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:38,640 It's lovely to have you on the show, but, you know, we've got to move along, 480 01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:41,680 time to meet my last guest this evening. I know you're going to make her 481 01:01:41,680 --> 01:01:45,620 welcome. Here she is, the very lovely West End star, Liza Moon. 482 01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:56,460 Oh, Liza, it's lovely, lovely to have you. 483 01:01:58,460 --> 01:02:02,280 Lovely to have you on the show. 484 01:02:03,210 --> 01:02:06,090 What have you been doing lately? Are you still appearing in the West End? 485 01:02:10,650 --> 01:02:17,130 Tell me, have you ever worked together? Have you worked with them? Have you 486 01:02:17,130 --> 01:02:18,330 worked with Liza at all? 487 01:02:19,930 --> 01:02:21,670 Any of your shows together? 488 01:02:22,110 --> 01:02:27,470 You've not had the pleasure of working? Have you ever worked with them? 489 01:02:30,950 --> 01:02:33,150 It's lovely having you all here. 490 01:02:33,550 --> 01:02:35,210 It really is absolutely brilliant. 491 01:02:46,310 --> 01:02:48,010 That's what the public wants, new faces. 492 01:02:49,170 --> 01:02:50,170 One in a row. 493 01:02:51,710 --> 01:02:53,490 Well, ladies and gentlemen, I could go on. 494 01:02:56,080 --> 01:03:00,820 I go on talking and having fun here all night, but unfortunately the old clock 495 01:03:00,820 --> 01:03:03,680 on the wall says there's only 42 minutes to go. 496 01:03:05,580 --> 01:03:10,580 Anyway, folks, tune in again this time next week and see Crossroads. 497 01:03:12,540 --> 01:03:18,940 Blackmore. This vast wasteland of bogs and marshes has, over the last 17 years, 498 01:03:19,160 --> 01:03:20,760 claimed no fewer than... 499 01:03:35,420 --> 01:03:36,420 No, dear, no. 500 01:03:36,640 --> 01:03:37,960 What's there in the road ahead? 501 01:03:38,760 --> 01:03:39,960 Not what's there in the road ahead. 502 01:03:40,660 --> 01:03:42,720 It's only a bicycle. 503 01:03:43,460 --> 01:03:45,080 Open the gate, she'll be up in a minute. 504 01:09:40,560 --> 01:09:41,560 Right, take her out again. 505 01:09:44,560 --> 01:09:45,740 Right, action. 506 01:09:46,300 --> 01:09:47,660 Oh, Bodley B. 507 01:09:48,100 --> 01:09:51,260 I'm just the... Oh, I'm so sorry, John. 508 01:09:51,640 --> 01:09:53,920 Just relax. 509 01:09:55,440 --> 01:09:59,220 Okay. Are you okay? Yes, I'm okay now. Carry on. It'll be all right. 510 01:09:59,520 --> 01:10:00,339 Not tired? 511 01:10:00,340 --> 01:10:01,340 No. 512 01:11:44,520 --> 01:11:45,960 This is my picture. I thought you might like to see it. 513 01:11:46,180 --> 01:11:47,580 Hold it, George. 514 01:11:48,960 --> 01:11:49,960 What? 515 01:11:53,680 --> 01:11:54,680 Uh, 516 01:11:59,840 --> 01:12:00,840 just a minute, sir. 517 01:12:00,980 --> 01:12:02,680 Will you open it, please? So sorry. 518 01:12:03,120 --> 01:12:04,180 Nice, brawn -ready. 519 01:12:04,920 --> 01:12:06,080 With big blisters. 520 01:12:09,320 --> 01:12:10,320 Forte application. 521 01:12:10,920 --> 01:12:12,570 Pardon? Port or embrocation? 522 01:12:12,930 --> 01:12:18,370 No, no, however. Have a nice groin, have a shaving erosion, no have port or 523 01:12:18,370 --> 01:12:19,810 embrocation. No, however. 524 01:12:20,630 --> 01:12:23,370 You've just arrived, sir? Yes. I got a fright. 525 01:12:23,890 --> 01:12:26,350 How did you get a fright? With a fright ticket. 526 01:12:29,950 --> 01:12:31,510 A fright, yes. 527 01:12:32,450 --> 01:12:33,710 It was a miracle. 528 01:12:34,650 --> 01:12:35,870 What was the miracle? 529 01:12:36,150 --> 01:12:37,830 We take off with a miracle. 530 01:12:38,110 --> 01:12:39,510 You took off from a miracle? 531 01:12:40,060 --> 01:12:41,200 The United States of America. 532 01:12:43,240 --> 01:12:44,320 America. Yes. 533 01:12:45,780 --> 01:12:46,780 Bloody tricks. 534 01:12:48,500 --> 01:12:50,860 Now, are you staying here, sir, or going on overseas? 535 01:12:51,260 --> 01:12:52,260 I have a right. 536 01:12:52,480 --> 01:12:55,580 Yes, you have a right to go on overseas, but I have a right to ask where. 537 01:12:56,080 --> 01:12:57,100 I have a right. 538 01:12:58,180 --> 01:13:01,740 You have a right? No, you have a right. I have a right. 539 01:13:02,460 --> 01:13:04,320 Oh, Isle of Wight. Yes. 540 01:13:10,990 --> 01:13:12,070 hardly call that overseas. 541 01:13:12,310 --> 01:13:13,410 You try walking there. 542 01:13:19,750 --> 01:13:21,310 Can you see this? 543 01:13:21,530 --> 01:13:22,530 Yes. 544 01:13:22,770 --> 01:13:24,090 Can you read it? No. 545 01:13:26,470 --> 01:13:27,429 Why not? 546 01:13:27,430 --> 01:13:28,430 Wrong way up. 547 01:13:30,050 --> 01:13:31,250 Look, it's good. 548 01:13:31,510 --> 01:13:32,510 Not great. 549 01:13:34,830 --> 01:13:35,830 You're Chinese. 550 01:13:36,410 --> 01:13:37,410 Oh, brother. 551 01:13:46,290 --> 01:13:47,990 Mother of mine! 552 01:13:51,490 --> 01:13:54,670 Did you understand it? Did you understand me? 553 01:13:55,730 --> 01:13:57,070 That's hardly the point. 554 01:13:57,930 --> 01:14:00,070 Is this all you have? Yes, sure. 555 01:14:00,510 --> 01:14:03,750 Also, I have here something to show you. 556 01:14:04,130 --> 01:14:06,910 That's an egg. One hundred year old egg. 557 01:14:07,130 --> 01:14:09,950 One hundred year old. One hundred year. 558 01:14:10,630 --> 01:14:12,010 You don't seem to have much. 559 01:14:12,290 --> 01:14:13,690 No, I have my beliefs. 560 01:14:14,110 --> 01:14:17,910 Your beliefs? I ask butter. No, no butter, no sugar, no tea, no. 561 01:14:18,650 --> 01:14:20,110 Just have my beliefs. 562 01:14:23,230 --> 01:14:27,870 I'm sorry to leave it in such disarray. Oh, disarray, that array. Who cares? 563 01:14:28,650 --> 01:14:29,870 How did we all end? 564 01:14:30,210 --> 01:14:31,210 Oh, dear. 565 01:14:31,710 --> 01:14:32,710 Hey, 566 01:14:35,850 --> 01:14:36,850 immigration! 567 01:14:37,610 --> 01:14:39,350 I'll be ready with a very soon moment. 568 01:14:42,230 --> 01:14:44,430 Hey, you've been out in the sun, cookie boy. 569 01:14:44,770 --> 01:14:48,310 No, you have been telling my colleague that you are going to the Isle of Wight. 570 01:14:48,550 --> 01:14:49,670 For what purpose? 571 01:14:49,910 --> 01:14:50,910 Bleeding cows. 572 01:14:52,750 --> 01:14:56,230 That is where I wish to know why. That is, that is why. 573 01:14:56,610 --> 01:14:58,170 I'm going there breeding cows. 574 01:14:59,030 --> 01:15:00,990 I breed cow, rook. 575 01:15:02,110 --> 01:15:03,790 Why you move with a rook? 576 01:15:04,670 --> 01:15:07,770 I can't go to a market. 577 01:15:08,970 --> 01:15:10,730 I can't go to a little... 578 01:15:23,050 --> 01:15:23,889 He's angrier. 579 01:15:23,890 --> 01:15:26,930 Oh, why is he angrier? Because he's raving. 580 01:15:55,530 --> 01:15:58,130 You see, in my work, I have to find a farm that's suitable. 581 01:15:58,570 --> 01:16:00,690 Oh, you work in pharmaceuticals, yes. 582 01:16:00,950 --> 01:16:02,370 No, a farm that's suitable. 583 01:16:02,690 --> 01:16:05,210 Listen, you no -gut crop, Eos. 584 01:16:06,910 --> 01:16:08,870 Loss your rug hose out. 585 01:16:09,530 --> 01:16:11,430 Look, I get you a farm. 586 01:16:11,810 --> 01:16:17,710 I take the bull to the cow so that the bull can make rug to the cow. 587 01:16:18,290 --> 01:16:20,590 Oh, but surely that is a job for the farmer. 588 01:16:20,830 --> 01:16:22,050 It has to be a bull. 589 01:16:46,780 --> 01:16:50,140 And all the little people were all glowing. 590 01:16:50,580 --> 01:16:54,460 And then when I got all there, then I shot her a chip. 591 01:16:54,680 --> 01:16:58,840 Oh, you shot her a chip? That's what I said. Why, you know, listen. Oh, 592 01:16:59,800 --> 01:17:01,420 it's like jogging, you reckon. 593 01:17:01,860 --> 01:17:08,220 Right. And then when I got a chip and I got all there, I seen to Hong Kong. 594 01:17:15,820 --> 01:17:16,820 It's a load of bull - 595 01:18:31,920 --> 01:18:33,100 Good night, my friend. 596 01:18:33,800 --> 01:18:35,420 Time to call it a day. 597 01:18:36,420 --> 01:18:38,440 Time to blow out the candle. 598 01:18:38,700 --> 01:18:45,180 Or as my friend Shirley Bassey would say... We burn our candles at both ends 599 01:18:45,180 --> 01:18:47,700 before our flick is finally flung. 600 01:18:52,960 --> 01:18:56,340 My mom puts me to bed. 601 01:18:56,820 --> 01:19:01,840 Wakes me when we head. Then she goes round and puts out all... the fires. 602 01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:06,680 And then me auntie Vi sings me a lullaby. 603 01:19:07,180 --> 01:19:10,460 I like it because she sounds like Dorothy Squires. 604 01:19:11,460 --> 01:19:15,320 I did it for my wife. 605 01:19:22,820 --> 01:19:26,180 Amazing steps to Isaiah. 606 01:19:26,700 --> 01:19:28,520 Life isn't all milk and all honey. 607 01:19:28,960 --> 01:19:30,580 He said, Isaiah, come forth. 608 01:19:31,040 --> 01:19:34,180 And Isaiah came fifth, and I went with a cup of his money. 609 01:19:34,660 --> 01:19:36,440 It's all Greek to me, you know. 610 01:19:37,640 --> 01:19:38,640 Hello, everyone. 611 01:19:38,840 --> 01:19:42,800 Here is a little song about a girl who is going to see her lover by the 612 01:19:42,800 --> 01:19:43,800 eucalyptus tree. 613 01:19:43,920 --> 01:19:45,940 And as she walks there, she sees a boy. 614 01:19:46,220 --> 01:19:50,320 And he says, your lips are like red wine, and I should like to sip them. 615 01:19:50,700 --> 01:19:54,300 And she says, you cannot, because I'm going to meet my lover by the eucalyptus 616 01:19:54,300 --> 01:19:57,100 tree. And a little further on, she meets another boy. 617 01:19:57,560 --> 01:20:01,940 And he says, your eyes are like pools of clear crystal water. I should like to 618 01:20:01,940 --> 01:20:05,680 bathe in them. And she says, you cannot because I'm going to see my lover by the 619 01:20:05,680 --> 01:20:06,680 eucalyptus tree. 620 01:20:06,740 --> 01:20:10,420 And a little further on she meets another boy. And he says, your hair is 621 01:20:10,420 --> 01:20:11,920 corn waving in the breeze. 622 01:20:12,220 --> 01:20:14,420 I should like to run barefoot through it. 623 01:20:14,700 --> 01:20:18,180 And she says, you cannot because I'm going to see my lover by the eucalyptus 624 01:20:18,180 --> 01:20:22,280 tree. And she gets to the eucalyptus tree and her lover doesn't come. 625 01:20:23,240 --> 01:20:24,240 Exact so. 626 01:20:24,680 --> 01:20:29,580 I -X -X -O, I'm an X -O, mini, mini, I bet you X -X -O. 627 01:20:30,700 --> 01:20:32,340 Now, here is a little song. 628 01:20:33,620 --> 01:20:40,280 January the 1st, January the 2nd, January the 629 01:20:40,280 --> 01:20:43,740 3rd, January... You'd rather have Moira who? 630 01:20:44,300 --> 01:20:48,340 Should a body meet a body, I mean to do the boy. 631 01:20:48,640 --> 01:20:52,660 If you dare to touch my body, I will plant your eye. 632 01:20:53,690 --> 01:20:55,350 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 633 01:20:55,610 --> 01:20:56,610 Thank you. Thank you.